Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
