Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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