I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
