Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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