mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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