But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
