oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize