Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Success! We fucked roommates!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize