i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
