I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
