If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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