I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
