I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
