dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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