tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
