wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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