3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
