did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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