Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
