just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
