shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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