What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
