I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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