Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If that was your dad, he is hot
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize