covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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