Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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