Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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