butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
