my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
