is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
