I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize