You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
