I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
