if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
