How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
