Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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