I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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