Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
