I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
