I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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