Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm both gender and math confused
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
