He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
