we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
