Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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