I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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