I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This house was built for laser tag.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
