When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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