Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
