Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
