He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
