Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
