any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
