Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
