? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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