why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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