I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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