i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
