Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
