I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize