I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
