I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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