dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
