Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
