woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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