somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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