I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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