My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
