i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize