Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
