So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
