And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
