Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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