wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
