I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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