You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
