I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
