Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
