Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
