just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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