I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
