I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
