Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
