My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
