worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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