dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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