Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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