So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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