as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
