why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
