It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
