I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
