At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
