i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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