Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
