i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she smelled like a LAN party
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
