I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
