I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
