ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
