I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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