what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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