Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
