It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
