Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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