I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
