she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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